FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
