I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Damn victory sex feels great
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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