Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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