Sponge bath it is.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
