Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
