Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
