I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize