If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
