Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
barbara walters just said penis...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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