Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
