Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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