Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
