After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
