Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
