Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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