Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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