Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
