just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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