Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(289): View more from Ontario

I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.

(647): View more from Ontario

It's sore actually

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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(773): View more from Illinois

I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.

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(914): View more from New York

Oh god. Standing was a rash decision

(847): View more from Illinois

I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...

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(616): View more from Michigan

What changed your mind?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Being sober

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(949): View more from California

i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love

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(801): View more from Utah

Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...

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