Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
