My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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