help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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