Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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