If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
