Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
