my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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