My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
