I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
