sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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