Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
