mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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