I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
