Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
