He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
