Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
