the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sarcasm needs its own font
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
