how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
