I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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