I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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