Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
