no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So many bounce houses so little time
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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