dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
