what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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