i used baking grease as lip gloss
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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