Banned from zoo.
Again?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
