If i come over, it means nothing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
