I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
