You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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