I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
