that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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