I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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