i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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