i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
