hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
