Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
