Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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