Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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