So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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