Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
