I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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