just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
