i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
