I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
