I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
