How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
