Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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