I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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