bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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