3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
