U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
