I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
