We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
